“Your acts will be determined by the most intimate part of your being,
that place where nothing is forced, where it is Spirit that inspires you.” ~ Commentary on Gospel of Mary Magdalene, Jean-Yves Leloup ~
Our world is hungry for presence,
starving for intimacy,
craving the sacred ground
of our Divine Humanity.
Longing to go home.
The way separate from God,
from Love,
from One Another
has been exhausted.
Done, el fin.
It’s gone.
There’s no way back.
A new way is emerging.
A surrendered consciousness
that courts the Presence
that carries the Presence
that nourishes the Presence
that embodies and expresses
and becomes
the Presence
in each moment.
This is our gift to one another.
This is our gift to ourselves.
This is our gift to God.
This is integral to our divine human awakening.
To successfully transcending the global threshold
that we have arrived at.
Adoration or Suicide?
Embrace or Attack?
Fear or Love?
Isolation or Cooperation?
This threshold requires nothing less
than a fully Awakened Heart, an
Illumined Mind, a Liberated Soul
and an Integrated Body.
A new human…being.
Sourcing the greatest integrity
that lives within
the indwelling
Kingdom
and living from
Inspiration,
living from the Spirit.
Infused with God…
The price?
Our Vulnerability.
True intimacy and integrity
with all things,
Heavenly
and
Earthly!
O Come Let us Adore them Now!
So be it, in Heaven and in Earth.
Meeting you where we are one, in the depths of presence, in the moments of stillness I find you. You who have been here all along. You announce yourself as Magdalene, companion and best friend to Yeshua. So close to me, I may have overlooked your presence. So focused on Yeshua, I have been unaware of whose eyes were watching him. You are foreign and familiar. What do you have to teach me? I see you…a picture on my altar. I feel shy. What do you want? Are you real? Why have you come?
To write the book. God, Sex and Love. The Heart of Magdalene is real.
I don’t understand it. It doesn’t make sense to me.
Oh, but you do know and you do understand. You are right on track with your writing. Do not be afraid. We are both with you. Together. We are doing this together.
This is crazy. Go away. Help. I am afraid. I don’t want this.
Yes you do.
Can I see you?
Look in your own eyes.
Can I feel you?
Touch your own skin.
Go within. Internal embrace of you…of me. Speak from the depths.
I want to run. I want out of this deal. I want out of this life. I want…fuck. Why is this scary?
Because I represent your power, it has just awakened…the sleeping giant…your wonder woman, me, Magdalene. Your power, your true feminine power is awakening, The voice you hear is your own voice. I am simply here to help guide you into your own voice.
I am worried that this will be hard.
Using your own voice is the easiest thing in the world. It is remembering it that so often is challenging. I am here now. Rest in that. The book is being written.
This voice doesn’t sound like my own. It sounds different.
A new voice is emerging…your true voice is emerging. Allow it to emerge from the void. Allow something new to be expressed.
Magdalene, did you love Yeshua?
Of course I love Yeshua. We all love Yeshua!
We all?
Yes, all of the women around the world awakening to the voice and the presence of the sacred feminine. We all love Yeshua. He is an example of how to love…how to love the feminine. He carried and he carries deep honor, respect and love for the feminine. Anakha, do you love Yeshua?
Yes, of course I love Yeshua.
You’ve seen me before.
Yes. Yes I have. I was with you once before. Kneeling at your feet, with both of you. I felt a wholeness then.
You have that wholeness within you. The sacred marriage has occurred within you.
What am I to be writing? God, Sex, Love?
Yes, why you ask? I think that will be revealed to you. There are authentic teachings that will be revealed to you.
How do I write this? Is where I write important.
No, just connect and write from your deepest integrity.
I am feeling a deep and palpable “holy fear of God” sort of fear…not the frenetic fear the way the mind moves me, but an awe-some fear that accompanies a deep attunement to the truth that a radical change is upon us…
We are being collectively aligned and attuned.We’ve had our time to change the course.Now the course is changing.
I can hear the distant rumbling.The drumbeat, the heart of the Mother.God waking up God. Life stirring Life. The earth’s core shaking us.The trembling of humanity awakening.I can feel this in my cells.I can feel the one heart beating in my chest.Trying desperately to come alive, to feel, to be connected.The one heart is waking up.The grief and despair are overwhelming to many.
There is no where to go, stay still, ride the waves of feeling down into the depths of your knowing and be guided from the emptiness you meet there.
Invisible. Dishonored. Raped. Ignored. Unacknowledged for her beauty, her depth and her wisdom; for her gifts, her bounty, her life-force and her creativity…for her love and her offering, for her deep connection to nature, to God and to the Sacred in All Things.
From the Mother Earth to my sisters around the world…to the men that keep this energy alive in their own presence…I speak today of things usually left unsaid.
We are done. We are done financing systems, projects, ventures, products, people and organizations that do not deeply honor and value the feminine in all her manifestations. The time for that is behind us. We’ve done enough. And now, enough is enough. A stand of the most integrous order is being called for. A stand that will bring about unimaginable and radical consequences for our lives collectively and the well-being of the living planet.
I am outraged. I know it’s not spiritually or politically correct feel this way, and I’m too tired to care anymore. I am outraged. What am I outraged with and why? I am outraged because this world doesn’t make sense to me…to my heart or my mind or my body. How to engage in a game I don’t want nor even feel equipped to play? My heart’s intelligence can’t make sense of the greed, the fear and the power driven systems and structures. The reward for playing? Fit in, belong, look normal, make money and be “secure.” How to create a new game and not be victimized by the old? Fuck, I have no clue. I am angry that I have no clue where to step, where to stand and how to begin. And it is so subtle. Look below the surface appearance of things and see the fear and greed mechanisms operating. It is astounding. This is not benign…this is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I am angry and sad and confused. And I have this new-age guilt about feeling angry, sad and confused. Change your vibration. Fuck, I am trying to change my vibration. Juice feasting, gratitude, prayer, brisk walking, yoga, miracle water…I SURRENDER GOD HELP ME!
I am outraged that I feel so impotent, so dumb. I am outraged that I can (Freudian slip…seems interesting to leave it) seem to figure it out. I will never figure it out. I am outraged that I don’t seem to fit into the world’s game plan. I feel like I’m from another planet and just arrived and I am stunned and shocked and not so sure what to do, so I just stand watching it all.
It’s like trying to merge onto the freeway…but the cars are going too fast and there are so many of them…where is the on-ramp? And do I really want to get on this freeway? Is it really a free-way? They seem to be travelling super fast…where are they going?
I drop in and my truth remains. I am outraged. I feel these deep primordial yells swirling in my core. It is not me that is outraged. It is the Divine…the Divine…the Mother/Father God…the Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine. This is a collective outrage. We cover it over with numbness…we translate it into depression, suppression, addiction and impotence. We shove it so far down that we don’t even remember we have it…until it shows itself as disease…cancer, heart disease, diabetes, obesity…and addiction…drugs, alcohol, sex, work, shopping, credit cards…anything to calm the beast called outrage.
Me? I’d rather be doing anything else rather than writing about outrage. Maybe. Before I started writing this morning — (after beet/kale/apple/jicama/celery juice and Kombucha) — while I was in the shower, I kept thinking about chocolate Hershey kisses…about sneaking over to 7-Eleven and eating Milk Duds or Whoppers. Anything to distract, to medicate, to numb myself and the truth arising within me. I didn’t do it. I stuck to my practice to write instead. I became present. My intention “to write from presence, prayer and deep integrity.”
And from that place: outrage spoke. I am unmedicated, unmasked and un-numbed today. I feel the urge and the compulsion to pollute and dilute. That is where we lose our power as Sacred Leaders….distract, detach, pollute and dilute. As long as we have some other drama we are involved with — relationally, financially, emotionally, and physically — we don’t have to be powerful (because we don’t have full access to the Power) with our presence, our voice and our actions. As long as we are numbed out with our addiction of choice…we don’t have to feel, see, hear and know the truth. We don’t have to be responsible for the conditions of the earth, her people…and our own backyard.
And you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall wet you free. What is the free-way?
God is bringing me into deeper integrity. I am seeking that integrity in my own self, my core and my body…listening and deepening until I touch upon an anchor of truth…a truth of oneness. It takes time and discernment and willingness to listen for and to my deepest integrity. I don’t get to run-off at the mouth with surface thoughts or shove my discomfort aside. I am being called to deepen and listen and then to act from that place. And from that place of integrity there is only one integrity. What is in deep alignment for me and what is in deep alignment for you is the same. My calling you forth enables you to step into your wholeness. My owning of my part, enables you to open your heart and experience compassion and forgiveness.
There is only one integrity. That is what I am seeking to find within myself today. In each moment. With each experience, interaction and exchange. To slow my pace…to listen deeply…to sit in prayer…to surrender to God…to wait…sometimes for days…before responding or acting.
Be still and know I am God. What is the God within me communicating?
I am seeking inner stillness and deep integrity so that I may know God’s will and align with it moment to moment. This is my razor’s edge. And I am being called to it with everyone, everything…everywhere.
Will I stand in and for my truth…for the integrous actions being requested?
Will I speak with integrity, clarity and compassion?
Will I hold people accountable with the (another Freudian to leave in) word?
Will I take a stand for myself?
Love, honor and cherish myself?
I don’t want to…I’d rather eat chocolate.
I don’t want to…I’d rather watch a movie.
I don’t want to…I’d rather sleep.
I don’t want to…I’d rather go shopping.
I don’t want to…I’d rather just complain.
I don’t want to…I’d rather just…
Nonetheless, I am willing.
I will my will, Thy will.
I am willing to seek, find and speak deep integrity.
I am willing to walk this path, to learn this path.
I am willing to stay awake in each moment.
I am willing to stay present – body, mind heart, spirit and soul.
I am willing to be truthful about what I see, sense, think, feel, want and need.
I am willing to actively honor myself and my integral needs.
I am willing to live a life that connects me to deep integrity.
Embodied Integrity.
I am willing to feel and experience what living oneness means.
Embodied Oneness.
It is time to seek this in all our relations.
This is the Razor’s Edge 2009!
I sit for my second 3-hour session of writing this afternoon.
Nothingness. Meaningless. Emptiness.
It has arrived.
The Void.
Touching down below the incessant ranting of thought. “I want chocolate. I want to play. I want to sleep. I want anything but to face the void.”
I stay with it. Thrashing about. Fighting the descent into this emptiness. I would rather write anything than face this. Prayer is dry and meaningless in this place.
So I sit. I lay. I scribble. I breath. I get up and take a hot shower to see if I can wash this off. Wash this resistance off. Resisting the emptiness where all life begin.
In the beginning there was a great emptiness. A great void — formless and empty. And God desired to know and see and experience Itself…and God created with the Spirit and with the word.
Genesis 1:1-3
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 Now the earth was [a] formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
Here I sit…accepting the power of the void…feeling my fear of nothingness. Breathing. Breathing. Breathing. Allowing the Breath of God to hover over me and circulate within me. My heart feels the bittersweet expanse of transcedental lonliness and simultaneous oneness in this place. Connected and alone.
I trust the deep knowing that all things rise up from the void. I honor the void. I accept the void. I experience the void. I’m willing to trust the void. I am willing to breath the Spirit of God in. I’m willing to use the word…
Let there be Light
Let there be Love
Let there be Truth
Let there be Fire
I smile and laugh at my despair. It happens every time I great this depth of emptiness.
I’ve decided to explore this void, to engage with it rather than destroy it with distraction and judgement.
What do you have to teach me?
What do you have to tell me?
Exhaust your worn out ways. Ride the all the way down.
I don’t care to know what they are. Let them entertain you, give you one last show.
Exhaust them…grow sick and tired of yourself, your strategies for resisting your life, your beauty, your power, your brilliance. Exhaust your ways of running. Your ways of hiding. Exhaust them all. Run them until they beg for a quick and merciful death.
For the days of these soul-less ways are numbered. We’re on a countdown. The cloud that keeps us from the all-knowing and all-penetrating truth of God is lifting. 10…9…8…7…I can feel the death of it. Globally, personally…the individual and the collective construct is collapsing.
Soul exhaustion…sacred hunger.
“I thirst…”
Run them ragged. Until they collapse under the weight of “never enoughness” the endless pursuit of a God and a good outside the moment of here and now. A God that dwells everywhere but within us? That is our search. A self-fulfilling prophecy…seek here and seek there. Seek everywhere but where the jewel is hidden.
Oh God, yes this is what our country, our economy has been built on. The limiting belief behind the American Dream – there is not enough, bigger is better, more is merrier, the early bird gets the worm. The ever-illusive pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow. The American Dream is dying…deconstructing…dissolving. Showing us the lies that were embedded in its “ sturdy” foundation…until now. Exposure is happening. We get to see the sickness of the fear that has fueled the machine. And our greed that fed it. The lack of faith in God that insured it.
I get to see myself as I am…and choose again. We get to see ourselves as we are…and then, choose again.
“And the Truth shall set you free…”
The choice? To build our foundation on rock not sand. To build a foundation of faith. To Source our supply. To rip away the bandage of addiction. To go cold turkey on the numbing agents we imbibe. Let go of all that clouds and stuns. Sit with that pain. Know that grief. Feel that fear.
Feel everything that has lived below the surface of denial — yours and mine. Ride it all the way down into your depths.
What lives in that place?
What jewel lies sleeping?
“The Kingdom of Heaven is within you…”
Let the hunger rise. Let the longing build. Let yourself feel…truly feel your cells longing for God. This is the sacred hunger that lives in the depths of our Soul. The journey is within. Descent brings true ascent. If we don’t know our hunger…we will never know the Source of our true nourishment.
There is a clarion call to come home riding the waves of fear in this country and in the world. We are the prodigal sons and daughters. Unplug from everything that takes you from the home that is God within you. Unplug. Un-numb. Exhaust all strategies. Turn again towards Home.
There is a banquet set and arms oustretched to embrace you.
Seek that place…know that home.
“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added unto you…”
The denial of this is intoxicating. I can feel it wanting to lull me back to sleep as I attempt to penetrate it’s thickness. My intent is challenged. My gaze becomes hazy. I snap back to awareness. Afraid to face my own hunger. Afraid to see it in myself. Twice I have turned to my tiny book of Saint Teresa of Avila today…”don’t go back to sleep” and now…”she wrote the way she lived…always thirsty, always longing…no rest, eyes on him…on fire.” I breath, I commit to allowing God to penetrate the cloud that covers my hunger to reveal the fire, to burn away the illusions. To set myself and the world free.
I will find my hunger once again and with fire in my eyes, I will allow it to take me home to God.
The internal embrace…face of god to face of god…the Soul of Oneness awaits.
As I sit down to begin the next 7 weeks of my writing practice and receiving inspiration for the book, I am keenly aware of the tipping point that I am resting on. The Tipping Point of Love and Fear. What will I feed, what do I choose?
This is a moment to moment choice and decision. To be awake and aware to my decisions, my choices. I remember singing lyrics to a song…”love is my decision here and now” at the Living Enrichment Center in the somewhat distant past. I can hear that song playing again in my mind, in my heart.
Love is my decision, moment to moment and day after day. It comes down the second to second choices of how I be, what I think, what I reach for, how I relate, what I eat and drink, when I rest and when I play! Love is a micro-decision. It’s not about making or taking some glorious action in the distant future that will save the day…save the planet or save my life. No those days and moments may never come. The glory I will find in Love is in the micro moments of my life. The tipping point I rest on…the great continental divide of my life in each precious moment.
And, what I choose each moment is a deposit into the bank account, the resevoir of love or of fear. I choose Heaven or I choose Hell. I want to live in Heaven here now. I want to create a Heaven in and through my presence. I want to be a sanctuary of Love.
And how do I do that? Through my micro-decisions. Breath, rest, rhythm, movement, prayer, clarity, ease, nourishment, presence, connection, integerity, intimacy, nature, depth, listening, trust, faith, community, autehnticity.
I do that by deeply embracing the eternal internal presence within me. Making love to myself and to the whole world through the oneness of the moment. This is how I love the world…through loving the one world within me and around me and all that I am given to live and to love.
I do that by eating from the abundant table of God. I ask myself in this moment, “Anakha, what actions feed love, what creates a feast of love for yourself and all others? What is inspiration and what is temptation? What is sourced in Soul and what is sourced in Ego.”
I want to write this book from essence. Is that ego? Is the desire to write from essence my ego? Keeping me from acting for fear I am not writing something essential. Oh mercy me! Welcome to my world!
Back to the basics. Chop wood and carry water. Doing the things I know center and ground and inspire and connect me.
I choose surrender over control.
I choose mystery over knowing.
I choose prayer over Facebook.
I choose quiet stillness over iPhone texting.
I choose intimacy over technolgoical efficiency.
I choose aliveness over deadness.
I choose presence over vacance.
I choose honor over criticism.
I choose embrace over fleeing.
I choose myself.
I choose myself.
I choose to love, honor and cherish this Self that I have been given>
I choose to love this Self and this Soul that God has given me, to steward and to shepard.
God planted a purpose in me, God granted gifts to me…God is asking me to only be an instrument in bringing that purpose and those gifts into the world. I don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step in faith.
I choose to drop below the surface conversation of my monkey mind and drop down onto the terra firma of my Soul, of faith and of God. This isn’t my book. This is God’s book. I am only here to bring forth that which the Divine has placed with in me to bring forth.
I embrace the interior.
I embrace the exterior.
The two are one.
Inside like the outside.
Above like below.
A fullness of integration.
Time for a full tilt boogie in Love.
I choose to feast on Love and fast from Fear.
I choose to source my life from Soul and gently tame my Ego.
I choose to release the lesser to receive the greater.
I choose, in each precious moment, I choose.
We choose, in each precious moment, we choose!
